Remember the days when all of America used to be free? Now you have government in all of their infinite wisdom, with elitists in charge, you know, the people that can’t change a flat tire, but they will regulate how you change that flat tire to make sure it’s done properly. Yeah, those worthless Little Adolf’s, telling you, and regulating what you can eat.

The city’s Health Department is going on a diet. No deep-fried foods served at agency lunches. No cookies and cakes at the same time. And no beverages over 25 calories per ounce: Those are all part of the new health mandate issued to department employees in a little bright-colored brochure ahead of their move from Manhattan to Queens, according to a published report.

The brochure requires that tap water be on the menu when food or drinks are served and suggests bagels or muffins be cut into halves or quarters to reduce the number of calories employees intake, reports the Daily News. Also, thinly sliced, whole-grain bread is a suggested offering at work events.

Aside from the dietary rules, employees are required to adopt good personal and office hygiene habits, namely by avoiding wearing smelly products, eavesdropping and putting up signs co-workers may deem offensive, according to the new set of guidelines for “Life in the Cubicle Village” obtained by the News.

Like I said. Remember the days when America used to be free, and “big brother” was merely in a book?